Welcome to GenFKD’s Daily Pregame, where we give you the day’s biggest headlines so you don’t have to pull a muscle trying to keep yourself informed.
Want a Permanent Staycation? Work for Homeland Security
More than 100 Homeland Security employees are being paid to stay at home for over a year now, according to The Washington Post.
Members of both parties previously demanded the department trim the number of staff out on paid leave and also provide a clear explanation as to why so many employees are on extended leave in the first place. In case you foolishly thought government bloat was limited to one department, an audit (also previously published in The Washington Post) found that in the three fiscal years ending in September 2013, 53,000 civilian employees were kept home for one-to-three months, while still earning over $775 million in salary.
The news is rumored to have caused a flurry of applications from 20-somethings who only like jobs that allow them to get paid to stay on their couch in sweatpants while binge-watching Netflix. Remember, you kids are the lazy, entitled ones, not the government workers getting paid to draft their debut spy novel instead of doing their ostensible job of maintaining public safety.
Google Happy to Buy Friends, Launches Grant Project
Tech Monstar Google officially kicked off its Digital News Initiative Innovation Fund, which will provide up to $170 million in funds to news industry startups in Europe.
Any project dedicated to innovating online news is eligible to apply for one of Google’s no-strings-attached (yes, that means no equity) grants.
“We’re looking for projects that demonstrate new thinking in the practice of digital journalism, that support the development of new business models, or maybe even change the way users consume digital news,” said Ludovic Blecher, who heads the fund.
Like many other American tech firms, Google has been fighting a battle with EU countries over user data privacy issues and traditional news publishers who, fairly or not, resent the impact of search engines and aggregators on traditional business models.
Now, once the old-timers all die off, the new generation of publishers will have Google to thank for getting them started in the first place. Who’s your no-strings-attached financial sugar daddy now?
Chinese Communist Party Remembers It’s Communist, Bans Golf
President Xi Jinping continued his anti-corruption efforts by banning golf along with “over-the-top entertaining,” “extravagant eating and drinking,” and “having improper sexual relations with other people which have bad repercussions.”
While some of the banned activities alternate between vagaries and common sense, the ban on golf has been deemed cruel and unusual punishment by businesses and the 88 million Communist Party members alike.
“If a company boss can’t play with a government official, there’s little point in him spending his money,” a golf equipment store manager in Shanghai told Reuters.
Further, as one anonymous party member told GenFKD’s high-ranking sources in China, “Banning golf, booze, and sexual affairs? Why the fuck do you think I joined the Communists in the first place?”