Yes, that is Ted Cruz's face stitched into a Christmas sweater.
An FKD Feature exclusive

Still without a gift for a certain someone? Is that certain someone a political nut? Do you not really care? Well then, you’re in luck.

We scrounged around to compile the definitive list of candidate Christmas apparel on offer, so that you can support your 2016 candidate by giving a gift your certain someone probably won’t want.

Merry Christmas from all of us here at GenFKD!

Donald Trump

A goose egg by The Mighty Comb Over. Make Christmas great again?

Bernie Sanders

Nothing coming from the senator from Vermont. Apparently Christmas is a holiday for the millionaires and billionaires.

Rand Paul

Actually a couple items here, including a Christmas mug and a “giant” Christmas card, but let’s focus on the “Holiday Jingle Socks.” Looks like we have a few Christmas-themed emojis graphically laid over a sock? If anyone has ordered a pair (?), can you please confirm that the images actually make it onto the physical socks.

From the Rand Paul store.

Jeb Bush

Jeb! has positioned himself as the sensible candidate, which stands in stark contrast to the acid trip of a Christmas ornament currently available in his official store. The perfect gift for the burned out hippie in your life.

Martin O’Malley

Nothing. In fact, his store has about as many pieces of overall apparel as his campaign has voters.

Ben Carson

Seems like the good doctor is back performing lobotomies. Only way to explain how happy that model is to be rocking the Carson Christmas sweater. On the bright side, at least Carson’s sweater doesn’t portray the North Pole to be located in Guam.

Mike Huckabee

No sweater from the Huckster, but, perhaps even better, we have “A Simple Christmas: Twelve Stories that Celebrate the True Holiday Spirit”. Written in 2012, the prodigious scribe draws parallels between receiving a guitar as a gift and “God’s gift of Himself.” Paperback copies are available for $12.24.

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Hillary Clinton

The talking pantsuit does indeed have a Christmas sweater, though it looks more like an Atari game overlayed on cotton. Disappointing to see the Clinton Foundation didn’t offer one bedazzled with diamonds and jewels.

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From the Hillary Clinton store.

Ted Cruz

If ugly is the marker for success, Ted Cruz’s Christmas sweater is our deserved winner. There are few things uglier than that mug snuggled into a Santa hat between two coiled snakes above the White House. This sweater is truly meant to have eggnog spilled all over it.

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From the Ted Cruz store.


Posted 12.23.2015 - 02:45 pm EDT