Welcome to GenFKD’s Daily Pregame, where we give you the day’s biggest headlines so you don’t have to pull a muscle trying to keep yourself informed.
Budget Deal Reached, Everyone Sufficiently Unhappy
America’s leaders of infinite wisdom did the unthinkable Monday night, reaching a compromise over a budget deal that will avoid a government shutdown.
The deal raises the federal debt ceiling and essentially paves the way for an $80 billion increase in federal spending over the next two years. In a sure sign of a good compromise, Republicans are unhappy that the country will spend more on butter (domestic programs) and Democrats are unhappy the country will spend more on guns (guns).
Already unhappy at the prospect of any deal, the far-right Freedom Caucus was further enraged when it learned the budget included a commissioned portrait of House Speaker John Boehner falling on his sword.
Carson Trumps Mighty Comb Over in Republican Poll
Renowned neuro-surgeon Dr. Ben Carson has overtaken renowned reality star Donald Trump as the leading Republican presidential candidate, according to a New York Times/CBS News survey.
As it stands, Carson garnered the support of 26 percent of the deeply fractured Republican field, while Trump’s second-place finish, at 22 percent, is the first time he’s been out of the lead. A human being with any kind of political experience whatsoever, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, came in third place with eight percent of support.
The survey’s timely release comes a day before the third Republican primary debate titled “Your Money, Your Vote.” The event will continue the trend established in the first two debates, in which people hurled seemingly random personal insults at each other while ignoring any issue of substance.
Cartoon Reveals Romance Died Long Before Netflix
Big news in the annals of history, as the potentially first-ever “Netflix and Chill?” has surfaced in a 1939 New Yorker cartoon of all places.
While Al Gore hadn’t deigned to invent the Internet by 1939, the cartoon does depict a man asking a woman to “Come up and see my etchings!” which is pretty much the same thing.
So, next time you want to get laid while putting absolutely zero effort into making it romantic, maybe switch things up. Swap in “etchings” for “Netflix” and your desired paramour may actually think you’re interesting and sophisticated, not just too lazy to change out of sweatpants.